But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We're too hungover to prance.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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