who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
