Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
