I've blown a few things in my day
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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