These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
