when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
