I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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