Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
