Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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