On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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