I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
