How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Shame - the story of my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
