Will you blow on my dice?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
