she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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