Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
