Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
