Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
