my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
