Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
