What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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