Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
