they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
