It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
