Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
