I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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