dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
