Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
