oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
whose parrot is this?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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