why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
