If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
