"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
