Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
