There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
