Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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