walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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