So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
