Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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