I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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