I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
