Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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