So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
