i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to stop coming to work sober
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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