This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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