Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
