yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
