i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
