She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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