i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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