Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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