Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
