I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
