SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Fuck appropriateness.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
