I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
