You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
