I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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