She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
