I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
