I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This house was built for laser tag.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
